DEAD POOL NEWS: In breaking news Jeff Bezos, founder of the big tech conglomerate, Amazon, has received a new heart via transplant after surgeons operated in what was a long operation.
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The drama started when Bezos complained of feeling incomplete and felt he was missing something important in life. After an extensive health check it was soon discovered that the cause of that incompleteness was the absence of any heart at all. Doctors quickly located a suitable heart from a donor and one of Bezos's jets was despatched to retrieve it. The operation went smoothly. Sitting in bed a few days afterwards Jeff said "This will be a new experience to have a live beating heart of a human being".
Ironically the donor has turned out to be an Amazon worker, Jacob Falls, who ended his life because he found the working conditions to be insufferable.Jacob had worked hard to the point of compromising his own health in an effort not notch up too many poor performance points by algorithm. Jacob was afraid of being fired by an automatic SMS by algorithm. His mother, Edith Falls, told DPN that her son used to arrive home just so exhausted. "The first thing Jacob would do on getting home was to empty out the bottles of wee he had accumulated during the day because he did not want to add poor performance points by using the toilet". She continued, "Between his muscle cramps, bad back, joint problem, night terrors, loss of sleep and dehydration in hot weather poor Jacob was in a mess. He put his heart and soul into his job at Amazon".
"We are proud of our boy. He did so much to much Jeff Bezos richer, his health, his life and even his heart by transplant."
Most Amazon workers cease to contribute to the welfare of Bezos upon their untimely demise but Jacob has continued to contribute to the welfare of Jeff Bezos even his untimely demise.
A DPN reporter asked Jeff Bezos, recovering from the comfort of hospital bed if he had thanked the Falls family for the donation of his heart. Jeff replied "I will refer you to our public relations person for an answer to that". A PR spokesman later contacted DPN to say that a thank you SMS had been sent out already by algorithm.
