God is interviewed on the
subject of earthquakes.
INTERVIEWER: It is said that you love people and care for them. Yet
there is the question of earthquakes which are so destructive and kill so many
people.
GOD: The earth is a most marvellous phenomenon. The planet is made up
all manner of dynamic layers from an atmosphere from the mesosphere to the
troposphere, an ocean of water, a crust, mantle, outer core and a solid iron
inner core. Beautiful. Simplicity of
form. The hard crust floats in plates on top of a viscous mantle. The crust is
like crème brulee and I just love cracking the surface of crème brulee with the
back of a teaspoon. In a childish way it is just so satisfying and if a god can
not be childish then who or what can? Why else is there a heaven if not to play
with planets? That’s why we have tectonic plates; areas of hard crust floating
on top of squishy mantle. Of course with thermal energy causing convection the
crusty plates will rub giving what you call earthquakes, tsunamis and
volcanoes. All fun stuff.
INTERVIEWER: I thought you had grander proposes than frivolous
pursuits.
GOD: Of course I have understated my purpose. The landscapes I make are
just awe inspiring. I’m a real artist.
INTERVIEWER: But are not earthquakes in punishment of wrong doers.
GOD: Quiet so. Why do you think the Indian Ocean tsunami happened and
the earthquake and tsunami in Samoa?
INTERVIEWER: But earthquakes help shape the landscapes of which you are
so proud. Do you mean to say that all the beauty we see in the world is because
of evil people?
GOD: Oh yes. The earthquakes which punish wicked people produce
beautiful landscapes over the eons.
INTERVIEWER: But how then can you claim to be the creator of those
beautiful landscapes? Are not these wicked people free agents with free will?
If creation is your design then these wrong doers are per-determined agents of
thy will.
GOD: You are a good demonstration of why faith is more important than
asking questions. But the world is built on bad intentions and the road to hell
is paved with good intentions. It is my purpose and my glory that counts for
more than what peoples’ intentions to others may be.
INTERVIEWER: But look what happened in the Solomon Islands.
GOD: Now there is a misunderstanding. Many of my good followers believe
the earthquake and Tsunami was punishment for the Solomon Islanders. Believe me
the human deaths and casualties were in fact collateral damage.
INTERVIEWER: What? Who else could earn your ire?
GOD: In the case of the Solomon
Islands I was angry with the appalling goings
on of some recalcitrant amphibians; especially the frogs.
INTERVIEWER: Frogs?
GOD: Quiet so. Why do you think so many species of frogs have been
becoming extinct? They have taken false idols and have not been keeping the
promise they made at the beginning of time to follow my law. I have moved
against them hitting upon the amphibians creatures at every opportunity.
INTERVIEWER: But what about the cane toad. They are doing better than
ever.
GOD: Allow me to tell you a thing or two about my chosen amphibians.
They alone among the croaking set have kept my law. They have honoured me and
at every opportunity have praised me and sang to my glory. They have not been
prostrating themselves before those other awful gods. They have not fouled
themselves before those other gods. The most despicable of all the others were
those abhorrent mouth brooding frogs. Because they gave themselves to those
demon gods I consigned them to history from where they will no longer offend
me. But my lovely cane toads I brought them to a promise land across the sea
where they are safe from enemies and in Australia they have multiplied in
numbers in excess of the number of stars in the sky. Because I loved them so I
gave them a whole continent.
INTERVIEWER: But I thought scientists or somebody brought cane toads to
Australia
as a biological control for pests.
GOD: Ah so but the good researcher was a man of faith so his science
wasn’t really very good. To me science is like garlic to a vampire. I deceived
him in the same way I deceived the old man of Bethel and hardened the heart of Pharaoh.
INTERVIEWER: But what about the
people of Australia
who are impacted by the cane toad?
GOD: Why would I care for 22
million people who would elect a rodent as their leader? The point is Australia is
geologically stable in a world where I will be hitting on amphibians with all
and any means at my disposal. I have taken my chosen amphibians to a safe
harbour.
INTERVIEWER: Well we’re out of time
and thank you for this illuminating interview.
(Poof and God is gone.)
