An Unauthorised Illness

 In a courtroom the clerk rises as the judge enters.

CLERK: All rise. (All in attendance rise and then resume their seats as the judge takes his.)

 JUDGE: Is Mr Kevin Wilson present today?

CLERK: Call Mr Wilson.

(A court official makes his way to the door)

OFFICIAL: Mr Wilson! (Wilson is wearing pyjamas and a hospital issue dressing gown enters and takes the stand. He has an oxygen tank on wheels and a stand holding an intravenous feed.)

CLERK: Will you take an oath or affirm?

WILSON: I’ll take an affirmation.

CLERK: Please read from this sheet.

WILSON: I affirm that the evidence I am about to give will be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

JUDGE: Mr Wilson, are you represented here today?

WILSON: No.

JUDGE: I would strongly advise you to seek representation before proceeding.

WILSON: No. That is all right. I’ll defend myself.

JUDGE: (Gesturing towards the prosecutor) Proceed. .

PROSECUTOR: Mr Wilson give you please give your date of birth.

WILSON: The 4^th of April 1965.

PROSECUTOR: So that would make you Mr Wilson how old?

WILSON: I am 48 years old.

PROSECUTOR: Your worship I would like to submit exhibit A, a birth certificate for Mr. Wilson and exhibit A a life certificate for the said Mr. Wilson. (Judge nods approval)

PROSECUTOR: Mr Wilson can you read from your life certificate the heading highlighted in the 5^th column?

WILSON: Expiry date.

PROSECUTOR: Very good. I see they taught you how to read in school.

WILSON: What? Of course they did. There’s no need to be patronising.

PROSECUTOR: Very good. We’ll also see how you go about answering questions as well Mr Wilson.  Now Mr. Wilson can you read the date below the heading in the 5^th column?

WILSON: 3^rd April 2045.

PROSECUTOR: Very good Mr. Wilson. Now while you’re on a roll dazzling the court with your superb use of your cognitive skills perhaps you can impress on the court the display of your mathematical skills. On the expiry date of you life certificate how old will you be on that expiry date.

WILSON: Nearly 80.

PROSECUTOR: Wow. You are good. Very good. Yes. 80 years less one day. Tell me Mr Wilson how is your present state of health. From my point of view down here you look rather poorly.

WILSON: I have polycystic kidney disease and cancer of the spleen. My general health is badly compromised and my lungs are failing. I need to take this portable oxygen tank with me and I could only really come to court with this stand dripping pain killers in a saline solution.

PROSECUTOR: Well that’s your diagnosis. Now for the benefit of the court perhaps you can briefly give us your prognosis.

WILSON: Well I’m not expected to live another year.

PROSECUTOR: Oh really. What sort of a person would you describe yourself as being?

WILSON: An average good person. Not too offensive. Honest. Easy going.

PROSECUTOR: Tell us Mr. Wilson would you consider yourself a law abiding citizen?

WILSON: Of course.

PROSECUTOR: Perhaps you have not noticed the discrepancy between your account of yourself as a law abiding citizen and the reality that you are in grave danger of checking of this life before the expiry date listed on your life certificate. Tell the court Mr. Wilson are you similarly deluded about other aspects of yourself..

WILSON: What? No!. My illness has nothing to do with what sort of a person I am.

PROSECUTOR: Usually not perhaps Mr. Wilson except you have had the temerity to go and become seriously ill without being properly permitted to do so.

WILSON: I did not mean to. (In a slightly higher pitched apologetic voice.)

PROSECUTOR: Tell me Mr. Wilson in your police interview were you completely truthful in your statement to the police?

WILSON: Yes! (Slightly agitated)

PROSECUTOR: (To the judge)  I would like the defendant to read a highlighted section from his birth certificate. (Judge hands the document to Mr. Wilson.) I would like to submit this as exhibit B. (Judge nods approval.)

PROSECUTOR: Mr Wilson can you read the highlighted place of birth on your birth certificate?

WILSON: Lewisham, NSW.

PROSECUTOR: Yes and of course that was on the 4^th of April 1965?

WILSON: Yes.

PROSECUTOR: Very good. I would like to submit exhibit C being a copy of the statement you gave to the police with in connection with this charge. (Judge hands Mr. Wilson the statement.) Can you read the highlighted paragraph on page 14?

WILSON: I was born on the 4 April 1965 in Petersham. My mother…

PROSECUTOR: Stop right there. Well. Well. Well. You were not truthful to the police in giving your statement were you Mr. Wilson?

WILSON: Yes but…

PROSECUTOR: But nothing. You said you regarded yourself as honest .Just how deluded are you? Or is it delusion or is it deception?

WILSON: (Angry and agitated) Deception? What purpose could deception serve for such a minor detail? You’re just blowing small discrepancies into major deceptions. Petersham is next door to Lewisham. What does it matter?

PROSECUTOR: What does it matter? It matters because it reflects either on your character or on your mental competence. In either case your testimony is dubious. But this wasn’t the only example of providing false or incomplete information was it Mr. Wilson?

WILSON: What are you talking about?

PROSECUTOR: Can you read from the highlighted section on page 17?

WILSON: I went to school in Canterbury. I was not ever in trouble at school as a child.

PROSECUTOR: (To the judge.) I would like to submit a document as exhibit D and for it to be handed to the defendant to read from the highlighted area. (Judge nods and the document is handed to Mr. Wilson.) Mr Wilson can you read the highlighted section?

WILSON: Kevin Wilson suspended for 3 days for failing to take responsibility for starting an argument which resulted in minor injuries to himself and Jeff Hoare.

PROSECUTOR: Yes Mr. Wilson. Quiet an omission.

WILSON: That’s unfair. How could I remember that incident? It was just some silly playground thing.

PROSECUTOR: So not only are you an unreliable source of information but you also won’t take responsibility for your actions. Tell me Mr. Wilson what sort of a person are you?

WILSON: That’s not fair.

PROSECUTOR: Not fair? You’ve just by your own admission verified that you are dishonest or incompetent ad irresponsible.

WILSON: (Visibly shaking and starting to wheeze.)  I may have made some mistakes but I’m not a bad person. I’m just an average person trying to make my way through life best as I can.. Look I’m a sick man.

PROSECUTOR: And whose fault is that? You went off and became ill without the proper permits. And on top of that you plea your illness as a reason for mercy. Well that’s like the orphaned boy pleading for clemency in the murder of his parents on the ground that he’s an orphan. Do you really expect anyone to take you seriously after it has been established that you are also unreliable and dishonest or incompetent?

WILSON: Look why should my early death be a legal matter? If I die early that is that.

PROSECUTOR: So you think people should just do as they like. Like and die whenever? These are very dangerous anarchist tendencies. So to the list of dishonest or incompetent and unreliable the court can see a budding anarchist in the dock. How would life be if everyone thought you could be born and die whenever you want or that you can do whatever you feel like. It’s people like you clogging up the court system.

WILSON: (Falls off his chair and his stands falls over. He is helped to his feet.) You’re really mean making little things sound really bad. If this is justice the system stinks.

PROSECUTOR: Mr. Wilson you really have shown your true irresponsible colours today. (To the judge) I rest my case.

JUDGE: Members of the jury. You have heard the evidence. I now charge you to consider the evidence and decide your verdict.

The jury leave the court room. They return 2 minutes latter and assume their seats.

JUDGE: Will the foreman of the jury please stand.

(Foreman stands)

JUDGE: Have you reached a verdict in which all members of the jury are unanimous?

FOREMAN: We have.

JUDGE:  What then is the verdict of the jury?

FOREMAN: Guilty!

JUDGE: Thank you Mr. Foreman and members of the jury. You are now dismissed. (To Mr Wilson) Mr. Wilson please stand. (He stands with the help of some staff.)

JUDGE: Mr. Wilson you have been convicted of contacting an illness or disease likely to put you at risk of breaching your life certificate and associated life permits. You have been found guilty by a jury of your peers. I will remand you for formal sentencing at a latter stage. This case is adjourned pending sentencing.

CLERK: All stand. (The judge exits)